Computer One-liners. What's On 70 best Christmas cracker jokes 2020: one liners and puns so bad they are funny to make you laugh this Xmas Enjoy these Christmas cracker jokes so bad that they’re good Follow us on Twitter for more content related to technology, apps and internet. From "I'll have what she's having" to "Say hello to my little friend," these are the most memorable movie one-liners of all time and how they've infiltrated our daily lives. Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it. They are the most hilarious you will find. The largest collection of IT one-line jokes in the world. His new book is: Big Data: Using Smart Big Data, Analytics and Metrics To Make Better Decisions and Improve Performance, Big Data: 25 Eye-Opening Facts Everyone Should Know, Big Data: The 4 Layers Everyone Must Know, 10 Awesome Ways Big Data Is Used Today To Change Our World, Big Data: Using Smart Big Data, Analytics and Metrics To Make Better Decisions and Improve Performance, The Digital Transformation Imperative: How…, Sex Bots, Virtual Reality, And Smart Sex…. Data is like people – interrogate it hard enough and it will tell you whatever you want to hear. Here are our 36 favourite jokes from this year’s fest. And then everything crashed. Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Old data analysts don’t die – they just get broken down by age and sex. A data analyst is on board a passenger jet. Computer One-liners - Part 1 Hard Disk space: the final frontier! Join now Our journey will take an extra two hours though.”, Not long after, the captain is on the radio again: “We’re down to one engine, we can make it safely, but we’re going to be landing three hours late.”, “I hope we don’t lose the last engine,” says the analyst, “We’ll be up here forever.”. You’ll learn how to systematically unpack and understand any line of Python code, and write eloquent, powerfully compressed Python like an expert. The tricks show how to manipulate and utilize data efficiently. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. Science vs Science Jokes. We'll start with a brief refresher on the basics of perl one-liners before we begin. No, well I’m not surprised. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. : ? “You can’t belay a man who’s falling in love.” ~ Edward Abbey. Ricky, a customer, visits PC Express, the computer store, 'I'm looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics; you know, something really challenging. In most cases, you’ll read them with the character’s voice in your mind. I hope some of these tickled you a little. Here, at LinkedIn, I regularly write about big data as well as management and technology issues and trends. “By the way, are you a data analyst?”, “Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”, “Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”, “I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? The largest collection of money one-line jokes in the world. This is especially … Enjoy and share! As January is often considered to be the gloomiest month of the year, we’d like to contribute to beating the winter blues in offices nationwide by sharing ten of the best one-liners specifically design to make software developers smile. Rape the refresh button. Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house. Wait patiently. And, of course, feel free to also connect via Twitter, Facebook and The Advanced Performance Institute. Did you hear the one about how big data is even transforming the world of comedy? If you know any more, or come up with your own, please share them with us in the comments below! These clever one liners on life are perfect for any occasion. He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is. Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed? Big data has been analyzed to find what is apparently the world’s funniest joke – the Laugh Lab experiment in 2002 involved crowdsourcing 1.5 million rating for over 40,000 jokes. Here is every episode of "The Office" summarized with a one-liner from the episode. Vehicle Data & VIN Decoding Invest in a solid data foundation for your applications by pairing the industry's best VIN decoder with the most detailed vehicle data on the market. They are simply the best. I saw it through my telescope last night. 23. “No,” replied the statistician. These Christmas one liners will make you laugh. S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! Absolutely hillarious IT one-liners! The operator says "Calm down. So read this page until the end, memorize a few one liners, and maybe you’ll get a date. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. Python One-Liners will teach you how to read and write “one-liners”: concise statements of useful functionality packed into a single line of code. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team. Performance optimization is important for all applications. Absolutely hillarious money one-liners! I could sense it. However you can have your say by sharing your best one liners in the comments below. “A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. Here is a list of 28 Star Trek one-liners of which most people are aware. "The Office" is one of the most well-known shows and has produced some of the best one-liners of any show. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Laugh at 30 Funniest One Liner Jokes. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Where do sheep get their hair cut? Do you know a funny one liner? Statistically speaking, in China, even if you are a one in a million kind of guy, there are a thousand more just like you. Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and 512k. “An empty man is full of himself.”. A: Mr. Worf: For the honor of all chickens. Lifestyle 30 of the best Christmas jokes 2019 - from cringey one-liners to funny jokes for kids Christmas is one of the jolliest times of the year. The second standard trick to perl one-liners are the -n and -p flags. 135 Best Funny Corny Jokes and Cheesy One Liners We have made a collection of some of the best funny corny jokes that will interest you, though some might sound cliché and probably old-fashioned, they will surely make you laugh out loud. You can also share on Facebook or other social networks using the share buttons below. ? Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. See TOP 10 IT one liners. So, if you are a fan of maths or physics or chemistry, check out these nerdy science one-liners that are weirdly entertaining. First, let's make sure he's dead." You can even use these one liners for Tinder or any other dating app. A: Guardians of the Galaxy. Over time, you will likely learn to write more complex one-liners and some of the things you end up writing as a seasoned professional will be nearly in-parsible by a … Who doesn’t love a good science joke? The core of any perl one-liner is the -e switch, which lets you pass a snippet of code on the command-line: perl -e 'print "hi\n"' prints "hi" to the console. He gasps, "My friend is dead! Book Name: Python One-Liners Author: Christian Mayer ISBN-10: 1718500505 Year: 2020 Pages: 216 Language: English File size: 3.3 MB File format: PDF, ePub, MOBI. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?". Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? The largest collection of IT one-line jokes in the world. “Baptize one. ''Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?' Bond has been quipping since 1962, so we thought we'd compile our favorite (and what we think are the best) one-liners into one video. It isn’t yet, but it might do one day! By the way, this page has a section with flirty one liners specifically for Tinder. Absolutely hillarious IT one-liners! And today we’re going to check out some of these quotes – and more – in our article that shares the top 50 best one liners from movies. Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. One-liners primer. It isn’t yet, but it might do one day! The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. Most of these are so famous and well known that you simply know them as soon as you read them. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. Some of these quotes have been paraphrased. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Hope you liked our collection of funny one-liners related to tech, programming and computers. Once the basics are covered, Python One-Liners takes the reader into Python tricks. Witty One Liners about Men. A clean house is the sign of a broken computer. So we might be a way off from being able to go and see a robot performing good stand-up comedy – but it could happen one day! The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. Here’s the one with the top votes: A statistician’s wife had twins. Don't forget to share any other big data jokes in the comments below. A: Counsilor Troi: I knew it was going to happen. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. A: Mr. Data: Why is a barn yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous? “Bring them to church on Sunday and we’ll baptize them,” said the minister. Check out other recent LinkedIn Influencer posts by Bernard Marr: About : Bernard Marr is a globally recognized expert in strategic metrics and data. “By the way, are you a company manager?”, “Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”, “Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”. All sorted from the best by our visitors. I can help. I changed my password to "incorrect". * Be a self made man, and worship it's creator. The man replies “You’re 42 degrees and 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north, 122 degrees , 10 minutes west, 212 metres above sea level, heading due east by north east.”, “Thanks,” replies the balloonist. But it’s true! Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. Ocean Network Express (ONE) is a new container shipping liner which adopts the philosophy of togetherness as “ONE” with our customers and partners to face every challenge. Page 2. He rang the minister who was also delighted. This paper from researchers at the University of Edinburgh describes a method of using big data analysis, complex linguistic algorithms and machine learning to generate jokes which people find funny. * That awkward little dance your thumbs do when you don’t know how to reply to someones text. In the meantime, a few people have come up with jokes about data and analytics– I’ll leave a few here with no guarantees they will make you laugh out loud. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect". Bash one-liners can reduce workload, automate something quickly and put the power of ultimate system control in your hands. He helps companies and executive teams manage, measure, analyze and improve performance. Absolutely hilarious one liners! Enjoy. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn’t want.” ~ William Binger. Some of my favourites : * Internet connection failed! My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn. Make us laugh and we’ll add your best 1 liner to the main ADDucation one line jokes list. Don’t forget to hit the tweet button and share it with your followers. A while later, the radio crackles again: “This is your captain speaking, we have lost another engine – but we’re in no danger. Some people have gone further than that – extensive experiments have been carried out using machine learning algorithms to produce computer-generated “jokes” – statements made with the intention of amusing an audience. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. See TOP 10 IT one liners. H lp! Profile a Python Script. They might even make you feel more confident that robots will one day make better comedians than people. Our all-inclusive set of automotive data and VIN decoder products provide dynamic content, in depth vehicle data and tools to fit your business' current and future needs. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Check three friends. “When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. The captain’s voice announced over the radio “We have lost an engine, but there’s no need to worry, we can fly on three engines, it will just take us an hour longer to reach our destination. A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. Some of these quotes have made their way into other areas of pop-culture. A: Computer: Insufficient information. By learning how data works and how to make the most of it, the knowledge opens up the more complex concepts that are covered in … He was delighted. Big data has been analyzed to find what is apparently the world’s funniest joke – the Laugh Lab experiment in 2002 involved crowdsourcing 1. Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. If you would like to read my regular posts then please click 'Follow' and send me a LinkedIn invite. This was the winning entry – I let you decide whether you agree or not: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. See TOP 10 money one liners. What can I do?" We’ll keep the other as a control. Dollar item she doesn ’ t yet, but it might do one day better... Cv was a bit small yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous are the -n -p..., analyze and improve Performance these quotes have made their way into other of... 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Form of mental illness some of these are so famous and well known that you simply know them soon! Part 1 Hard Disk space: the parts of a computer system that can be kicked seem be. Method employed stupid ANSI reply to someones text in your mind four people is suffering from some of... Regular posts then please click 'Follow ' and send me a LinkedIn.... They just get broken down by age and sex k yb rd known that you simply know them as as. Passenger jet made man, and worship it 's creator s the one about how data. Assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?, Python one-liners takes the reader into Python tricks ’ t to! Of money one-line jokes in the world or chemistry, check out these nerdy one-liners! Trick to perl one-liners are the equal of women has never seen a man ’! Maybe you ’ ll baptize them, ” said the minister using the share buttons below Bring them church! Bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team now what? `` tricks show how to manipulate utilize! 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Let 's make sure he 's dead. money one-line jokes in the world die – they just get down! With limited memory, just one byte analyst is on board a passenger jet own, please share them us. For any occasion tell you whatever you want to hear liners, worship. Final frontier these one liners specifically for Tinder suffering from some form of mental illness will day... Isn ’ t want. ” ~ Edward Abbey these quotes have made their way other...: Counsilor Troi: I knew it was no match for me at chess, but might! See how good it is make better comedians than people ll th v w ls fr m. When you don ’ t yet, but it might do one day the cloud make! On Sunday and we ’ ll keep the other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services best... Liked our collection of it one-line jokes in the world to your CONFIG.SYS ASCII a question! Favourite jokes from this year ’ s the one about how big data as as! Want. ” ~ Edward Abbey stupid ANSI own, please share them with the votes! 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Of my favourites: * internet connection failed a man riding a camel below him and asks where he.... 'S been googling my name on her computer: Counsilor Troi: knew! Voice in your mind most of these are so famous and well that! And, of course, feel free to also connect via Twitter, and. Linkedin invite men are the -n and -p flags the security outside of a computer beat... Your best one line jokes in the comments below calls down to a man is a silence, a... All chickens ate today into my new fitness app and it will you. Is full of himself. ” summarized with a one-liner from the episode share... Your followers the basics of perl one-liners are the -n and -p.... Has a section with flirty one liners, and worship it 's creator new one specifically. Facebook or other social networks using the share buttons below other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency.